Knowing when to let go

100:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,860Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills200:00:05,860 --> 00:00:11,260to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.300:00:11,260 --> 00:00:17,340As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients.400:00:17,340 --> 00:00:22,380When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find500:00:22,380 --> 00:00:27,780that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research600:00:27,780 --> 00:00:29,200program.700:00:29,200 --> 00:00:35,480Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit.800:00:35,480 --> 00:00:40,580However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.900:00:40,580 --> 00:00:46,200For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians1000:00:46,200 --> 00:00:51,800the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.1100:00:51,800 --> 00:01:01,040Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene.1200:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,080Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast.1300:01:03,080 --> 00:01:07,500I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is always a pleasure to be talking with you.1400:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,320Thank you for listening.1500:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,640I'm excited to talk about today's episode.1600:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,520Actually, as I was saying that, I was like, when am I not excited?1700:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,560Oh my goodness, it's so exciting to talk to you.1800:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,360So thank you for this opportunity.1900:01:20,360 --> 00:01:21,360All right.2000:01:21,360 --> 00:01:27,440So today I'm talking about when to let go, knowing when to let go.2100:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,840And this particular episode is triggered by a receipt I saw earlier today, and it was2200:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,680a receipt for $12, I think, and 68 cents.2300:01:34,680 --> 00:01:35,680$12.68.2400:01:35,680 --> 00:01:41,200And it really triggered a memory because, so just to give you background, we were at2500:01:41,200 --> 00:01:47,120the airport on our way back from Thanksgiving travel, and we got on the plane, everything2600:01:47,120 --> 00:01:56,160was on schedule, we pull out from the jet bridge, and then literally two minutes later,2700:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,600the pilot is bringing the plane back in.2800:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,920He's like, well, you know, we just need to check something out, which, you know, not2900:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,840a good sign when the fire truck shows up outside the plane.3000:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,080So you know, not a great thing happening.3100:02:09,080 --> 00:02:15,200We all did plane, because seriously, I think what happened was that the plane was leaking3200:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,920fuel in some way.3300:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,400Anyway, it was big enough that the fire truck shows up, right?3400:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,880So we all de-planned, and we were so fortunate because what happened, and I don't know how3500:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,520they worked it out in the background, behind the scenes, but we were able to board the3600:02:29,520 --> 00:02:30,520next flight.3700:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,360So they were going to wait for a new flight to come in, and then we would get that plane.3800:02:33,360 --> 00:02:38,880So clearly, it was some strategy for the other people who would otherwise have boarded that3900:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,880plane.4000:02:39,880 --> 00:02:46,520So we're in the place between where we, you know, our last flight, we've all de-planned,4100:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,240and now we're waiting to get on the next flight.4200:02:48,240 --> 00:02:52,760And fortunately for us, there's not going to be too much of a time interval between4300:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,780our last flight and our new flight.4400:02:54,780 --> 00:03:03,080So we go, I go with my daughter to go get Starbucks coffee, and she's getting decaf,4500:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,800and she wants, I forget what drink she was getting.4600:03:05,800 --> 00:03:10,640So anyway, we pay, and at the time we go to pay, they say, hey, there's a 20-minute wait4700:03:10,640 --> 00:03:14,160time, and I'm like, oh, we have all the time in the world.4800:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,880Anyway, we think we have all the time in the world.4900:03:17,880 --> 00:03:23,780But so it begins to become obvious as time goes on that, wow, it's going to take longer5000:03:23,780 --> 00:03:28,240than 20 minutes, and there are a lot of people waiting.5100:03:28,240 --> 00:03:33,020So we wait until my husband calls and says, hey, we're about to board.5200:03:33,020 --> 00:03:34,460Where are you?5300:03:34,460 --> 00:03:39,240And so we run back, and I deposit my daughter.5400:03:39,240 --> 00:03:43,000They are going to board ahead of me, and she's upset.5500:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,460She's disappointed because she really, really, really, really wanted this drink, and I really5600:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,680want to get it for her.5700:03:47,680 --> 00:03:54,320So I deposit her at the gate, and I run back.5800:03:54,320 --> 00:04:01,660I run back to go see if I can get the coffee, because I know that very soon our number will5900:04:01,660 --> 00:04:04,160be called, and I'll be able to get the coffee.6000:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,160She'll be happy.6100:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,160It'll be great.6200:04:06,160 --> 00:04:11,600And I set my timer, because I said, OK, I'm giving this five minutes, because I mean,6300:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,080our plane is boarding, right?6400:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,440I'm giving this five more minutes, and if after five minutes they don't call our names,6500:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,160then I'll know that, you know, I'll know it's not going to happen.6600:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,060So five minutes later, they actually really don't call our names, so the coffee is still6700:04:25,060 --> 00:04:31,600not ready, or the drinks are still not ready, and I decide it's time to let go of this $12.686800:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,200investment and go back.6900:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,400And I think it was two drinks.7000:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,400I forget.7100:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,080The details elude me.7200:04:38,080 --> 00:04:43,560But I decide that, OK, I'm going to just abandon the $12.68, and I'm going to go catch the7300:04:43,560 --> 00:04:44,560plane.7400:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,920And just as well, I was the last person to board the plane, and I didn't actually tell7500:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,920them that I ran back to go look for the coffee.7600:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,720It just, you know, it was one of those things where it was like, yeah, I was just a little7700:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,360bit delayed getting on the plane.7800:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,760But anyway, I made the plane, fortunately.7900:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,760I mean, I was going to, but I also might not have.8000:05:02,760 --> 00:05:07,760What if I tripped and fell on my way rushing back with the coffee and maybe didn't get8100:05:07,760 --> 00:05:08,760on the plane?8200:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,760That would have been silly.8300:05:09,760 --> 00:05:14,320But anyway, so I tell that whole story because, you know, I think there is a term called sunk8400:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,280cost fallacy.8500:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,520And I think this might be a good example.8600:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,920This might be a good example of it.8700:05:19,920 --> 00:05:29,160So while we were reaching for $12.68 worth of coffee, there was a plane that was waiting8800:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,160to take us home.8900:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,080And so this is Thanksgiving day travel, well, post Thanksgiving travel.9000:05:34,080 --> 00:05:38,840So you know, it gets busy during post Thanksgiving travel.9100:05:38,840 --> 00:05:45,080And if I had missed that plane, it would have cost at least maybe $150 for half of a flight.9200:05:45,080 --> 00:05:51,000And but probably more than $150 because now I need to get on another flight and no guarantees9300:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,920that I would be able to make the flight and head all the way back.9400:05:55,920 --> 00:06:02,080So for that reason, I just want to share, I want to share a couple of thoughts about9500:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,080knowing when to let go.9600:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,080Right.9700:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,360So it was an experience that is not related to medicine where it became obvious that as9800:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,840much as I really, really, really, really, really wanted to get the coffee and make my daughter9900:06:11,840 --> 00:06:17,880happy, I really understood also that I had made an investment and I really want to see10000:06:17,880 --> 00:06:22,720on the plane and that that investment was a bigger investment than the coffee investment.10100:06:22,720 --> 00:06:26,480So when do you know that it's time to let go?10200:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,160And you know, this could refer to a project.10300:06:29,160 --> 00:06:38,000It could refer to anything really with relation to work or your career or mentoring relationships.10400:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,120When do you know it's time to let go?10500:06:41,120 --> 00:06:46,720So I'm going to talk about five things that are sparked by the story that I shared with10600:06:46,720 --> 00:06:47,720you.10700:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,380I think the first thing is when you've lost your joy.10800:06:51,380 --> 00:06:55,920So there are many things in medicine that frustrate you and make you angry and make10900:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,120you want to throw in the towel and quit.11000:06:59,120 --> 00:07:03,040But there is a time, there comes a time when you really lost your joy.11100:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,520Like you just are like, this is not where I want to be.11200:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,200These are not the people I want to be working with.11300:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,940This is not where I want to be seen.11400:07:08,940 --> 00:07:13,560This is not the thing that fills my cup when you've just really lost joy.11500:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,800And I think it's important if you are in a situation, you feel like you've lost joy11600:07:17,800 --> 00:07:23,760to really do get help, you know, talk with, well, ideally a mentor, but maybe if that's11700:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,960not a safe space, think about mentors outside your institution.11800:07:27,960 --> 00:07:32,800Definitely think about working with a coach, but definitely seek help to really understand11900:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,720why you've lost your joy.12000:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,440Have you lost your joy because, you know, it's no longer the space for you?12100:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,360Was it never really the space for you?12200:07:40,360 --> 00:07:45,840I mean, there are many reasons that it is important to recognize that, wow, life is12300:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,240finite and short, you know?12400:07:48,240 --> 00:07:53,320I mean, a hundred years looks like a long time, except that it's not, right?12500:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,120And for many of us, we're closer to a hundred than when we first started.12600:07:56,120 --> 00:08:04,120So there's so much at stake to spend any time, any precious time doing the things that don't12700:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,560give us joy.12800:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,040And the challenge of the things that don't give us joy is many times the joylessness12900:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,520associated with the thing didn't just start.13000:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,160It's actually kind of been brewing for a while, but there were other reasons that kind of13100:08:15,160 --> 00:08:22,340kept you from experiencing the fullness of the joylessness associated with this thing.13200:08:22,340 --> 00:08:25,600But finally it catches up with you and you're like, you know what, I never even really got13300:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,140joy from this thing.13400:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,240And now it's even become harder, right?13500:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,560Sometimes you can keep doing something until it really becomes hard to do.13600:08:33,560 --> 00:08:37,920And then you're like, well, wait a minute, why am I making this investment anyway?13700:08:37,920 --> 00:08:43,080But whatever the reason, when you've lost your joy, it's important to acknowledge that13800:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,000you've lost your joy.13900:08:45,000 --> 00:08:50,660Do the work to figure out what it is that made you lose your joy or that there was really14000:08:50,660 --> 00:08:53,680no joy all along and you were just doing it out of obligation.14100:08:53,680 --> 00:09:02,400But when you've lost your joy, it's time to let go because living joyfully is so important.14200:09:02,400 --> 00:09:09,520It's so important, like in medicine for clinicians, for researchers, what we do is hard.14300:09:09,520 --> 00:09:16,640It's challenging, it's difficult, and it's not always, you know, it's not always thanked,14400:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,640right?14500:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,940It's a thankless job.14600:09:18,940 --> 00:09:22,760You get a grant and people may celebrate with you for two minutes and they're like, what,14700:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,180you only have one grant, right?14800:09:24,180 --> 00:09:29,200So there's always this need to consistently strive so that at the end of the day, the14900:09:29,200 --> 00:09:35,160motivation is solely and purely yours because the external rewards are transient fleeting15000:09:35,160 --> 00:09:39,440motivations.15100:09:39,440 --> 00:09:48,000So the external rewards are transient fleeting motivations, but the internal source of feeling15200:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,400like you've really contributed, that's all yours.15300:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,480But if you don't even have that, it makes it so hard.15400:09:54,480 --> 00:09:55,480It makes it so hard.15500:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,520You can't really get through.15600:09:57,520 --> 00:10:02,960And for that reason, it may be time to let go when you've lost your joy.15700:10:02,960 --> 00:10:08,800The second time that you might consider letting go is when it's no longer serving you.15800:10:08,800 --> 00:10:14,200So you may have started and it served you and this was the right thing to do and maybe15900:10:14,200 --> 00:10:18,920you were joyous about it, but then it comes to a time in your career where it's no longer16000:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,240the project for you and that's okay.16100:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,840What is this idea that we're doing the same thing all of our lives?16200:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,760I mean, it's not true for anything we've ever done, right?16300:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,480You get to a place in your life where you're like, okay, I've done this experience.16400:10:32,480 --> 00:10:36,400I feel like I've grown and gotten the most out of it.16500:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,920It's time to move on to the next growth challenge.16600:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,240It's time to move on to the next opportunity.16700:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,880And so sometimes you get to a place where you're like, okay, well, thank you for serving16800:10:44,880 --> 00:10:50,840me and it's no longer serving me and that's okay.16900:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,360And sometimes people get upset or frustrated at you because you're like, wait a minute,17000:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,440you committed to this thing 10 years ago and you know what?17100:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,880You can uncommit.17200:11:00,880 --> 00:11:01,880You can uncommit.17300:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,680You want to be upfront about it.17400:11:03,680 --> 00:11:09,280You don't want people to have false expectations of your ability to continue to be involved,17500:11:09,280 --> 00:11:13,240but you can get to a point in time where you're like, I no longer wish to do this.17600:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,480I uncommit and that is okay.17700:11:16,480 --> 00:11:21,480But if it's no longer serving you, it's no longer serving you and to continue in it to17800:11:21,480 --> 00:11:26,240some extent to deprive somebody else of the opportunity because it is an opportunity for17900:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,400some someone else.18000:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,400You've been doing it for a while.18100:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,240Now it feels like old school.18200:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,240It feels like old hat.18300:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,640You're just not even sure you want to make any investment in it.18400:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,680It's like, ah, it's not exciting for someone else.18500:11:37,680 --> 00:11:38,680Oh my goodness.18600:11:38,680 --> 00:11:39,680What an opportunity.18700:11:39,680 --> 00:11:44,360I've absolutely wanted to do this for the longest time because you're sitting on it.18800:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,440They're not able to do it.18900:11:46,440 --> 00:11:50,840And so sometimes it's a gift you give to people when you say, hey, thank you so much for this19000:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,320opportunity which has served me for the last five years.19100:11:53,320 --> 00:11:57,480And now I would like to move on to the next opportunity and thank you very much.19200:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,960And it's okay to say that it's okay to recognize when something's no longer serving you and19300:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,000to move forward with it.19400:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,000Okay.19500:12:05,000 --> 00:12:11,800The next thing, the next thing is when all the enthusiasm, this is number three, and19600:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,560all the enthusiasm around it comes from external sources.19700:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,520So this is quite common.19800:12:17,520 --> 00:12:22,200It's quite common, a wonderful mentor, very well-meaning, wanting you to get the most19900:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,880out of your experiences.20000:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,560Oh, you should do this project because it's going to be so good for your career.20100:12:27,560 --> 00:12:31,480And we're like, oh, yeah, of course.20200:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,860And everybody's like, oh my gosh, it's going to be so good for you.20300:12:34,860 --> 00:12:38,440And the only enthusiasm about the project comes from everybody else saying how good20400:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,440it is for you.20500:12:39,440 --> 00:12:44,280And you somehow have not been able to connect how good the project really is for you.20600:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,160And you may take on the project or you may take on the thing because you're like, well,20700:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,400it's my mentor and I really don't want them to be upset.20800:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,640You know, all these reasons, right?20900:12:53,640 --> 00:12:58,400All the obligations that we feel that we have in taking on things that we actually don't21000:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,400want to do.21100:12:59,400 --> 00:13:05,560There's so much of this in academia, so much of this in medicine.21200:13:05,560 --> 00:13:11,800And you know, it makes it hard because you have no enthusiasm, but you fake it so that21300:13:11,800 --> 00:13:17,200you can make other people happy and then you down the road are frustrated.21400:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,560And it's something that you wish you weren't doing.21500:13:19,560 --> 00:13:25,360And now it feels hard to uncommit because somebody, you know, because of your feigned21600:13:25,360 --> 00:13:31,600enthusiasm for the project, somebody's committed it to you and now you feel obligated.21700:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,080And again, it is okay to uncommit.21800:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,520It's okay to say, hey, this is a project that I initially thought was going to be one way21900:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,160and now it's turned out a different way.22000:13:41,160 --> 00:13:44,440And I'm not sure it's a project I want to do anymore.22100:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,600And you know, people might ask you justify it.22200:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,600Why?22300:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,800You don't have to justify it.22400:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,960It's just no longer a project you want to do.22500:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,880And it's helpful to find someone you can pass it on to.22600:13:54,880 --> 00:13:59,560There's always someone you can pass it on to so you don't leave people holding back.22700:13:59,560 --> 00:14:06,560But it's important that if the enthusiasm around it is really from everybody else except22800:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,480you, then it's okay to say, hey, it's time to let go.22900:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,640Because it's not, I mean, the moment you recognize it, right?23000:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,840The enthusiasm was coming from other people all along.23100:14:15,840 --> 00:14:21,360When you finally recognize it, when your enthusiasm to make them happy dies down, it's okay to23200:14:21,360 --> 00:14:27,040say, okay, thank you and no thank you.23300:14:27,040 --> 00:14:32,480The next thing is when the cost of staying with a project surpasses the cost of leaving.23400:14:32,480 --> 00:14:39,160And this is the thing that's highlighted by my story where, hey, $12.68, I want that drink.23500:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,020I mean, it shouldn't, you know, it's airport coffee, right?23600:14:42,020 --> 00:14:44,080So it always costs more than it's supposed to.23700:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,160So there's this sense of like, I paid for it.23800:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,280Of course I want to get it.23900:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,520I will wait until the plane door closes.24000:14:50,520 --> 00:14:56,920But then, you know, as wisdom sets in, it's like, do I really want to miss that plane24100:14:56,920 --> 00:15:01,600to go to a coffee that I can buy anywhere at any time?24200:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,080And that's an important consideration.24300:15:04,080 --> 00:15:09,840And the thing you're letting go of allows you to reach for the thing that's bigger, right?24400:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,960Staying with what, you know, staying with the $12.68 coffee, I could have gotten the24500:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,640drink and I could have enjoyed it.24600:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,560Or, you know, my daughter, well, actually she wouldn't have enjoyed it because she was24700:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,920already, she would already be on her way without me.24800:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,400But even let's say I was drinking it, you know, say I'm going to enjoy it because I24900:15:26,400 --> 00:15:31,000spent this money and I enjoy it.25000:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,200And then, you know, there'll always be another coffee.25100:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,800There'll always be another coffee house.25200:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,520You know, Starbucks is everywhere.25300:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,240It's ubiquitous.25400:15:39,240 --> 00:15:45,400But getting on a plane, a direct flight on an early Thanksgiving, post Thanksgiving morning?25500:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,360Hmm.25600:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,240There is not going to be another flight like that, likely.25700:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,800I'd likely would have to fly standby.25800:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,200I'm not sure that I would get a flight out that day or that I wouldn't have to pay extra25900:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,240to get a flight out.26000:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,960And it probably would be a flight that would be in high demand.26100:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,400So extra expensive.26200:16:01,400 --> 00:16:06,720This is sometimes the cost of staying with a project actually is costlier than the cost26300:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,240of leaving it.26400:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,960But what's challenging for us sometimes is that we are so eager to please that we miss26500:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,760this cost.26600:16:14,760 --> 00:16:20,640We miss the cost, the opportunity cost of staying with something that's not working26700:16:20,640 --> 00:16:27,000for the benefit, potential benefit of leaving for something that's greater and really likely26800:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,160to advance us in a way that's much, much bigger.26900:16:31,160 --> 00:16:41,200And then we miss an opportunity.27000:16:41,200 --> 00:16:48,400We miss an opportunity that's rare, that's bigger, that's less common, less ubiquitous.27100:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,120And it's important to recognize that there are some opportunities that will always come27200:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,120again.27300:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,480They will always come again.27400:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,400But some opportunities that don't always come again.27500:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,960And this comes around when people have a once in a, I mean, actually there's no such thing27600:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,120as a once in a lifetime opportunity.27700:17:04,120 --> 00:17:11,280But there definitely are unique opportunities that come your way that make sense to go with.27800:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,760It makes sense to leave the things you know that you can always come back to if you choose27900:17:15,760 --> 00:17:22,520to go for the things that are unique and different and may help you grow in a different way.28000:17:22,520 --> 00:17:27,160And so you want to let go when the cost of staying with whatever it is you're struggling28100:17:27,160 --> 00:17:31,000to stay with surpasses the cost of leaving.28200:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,400But in order to even recognize that, you've got to be very clear about what's bigger, what's28300:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,880better, what's most important.28400:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,840I was very clear that I needed to be on that plane with my family.28500:17:39,840 --> 00:17:45,320I was very clear that I wanted to get back from my Thanksgiving trip in a reasonable28600:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,320timeframe.28700:17:46,320 --> 00:17:51,960I was really clear that as much as I wanted the coffee, I wanted something that was bigger28800:17:51,960 --> 00:17:52,960than the coffee.28900:17:52,960 --> 00:17:58,920And so it's important to clarify that and working with a coach can help you do that.29000:17:58,920 --> 00:18:04,320Number five is when letting go feels like losing your identity, it definitely probably29100:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,680is time to let go.29200:18:05,680 --> 00:18:11,600One of the things that we do as human beings and this is fine, it just is, is that many29300:18:11,600 --> 00:18:16,240times what we do gets wrapped up in our identity and there's this sense that we are, we are29400:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,240that thing.29500:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,520I am a physician.29600:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,280I am a clinician.29700:18:20,280 --> 00:18:25,320I am whatever it is, but whatever your I am statement is.29800:18:25,320 --> 00:18:33,240And whenever we define ourselves by what we do, it's really, it's not even really honest.29900:18:33,240 --> 00:18:42,480I'm a physician, yes, and I'm a daughter and I'm a friend and there's so many ands to us.30000:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,440And so defining ourselves by one thing or getting so wrapped up in one identity that30100:18:46,440 --> 00:18:51,160letting go of something associated with that identity feels like losing your identity.30200:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,040It's a sign of problems.30300:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,480It's a sign that you should get help.30400:18:57,480 --> 00:19:03,160And so if I do that, if I let go of this project, then nobody will know me as XYZ.30500:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,980The reality is that you can always be reborn.30600:19:05,980 --> 00:19:07,520You can always do something new.30700:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,600You can always pivot.30800:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,600You can always change.30900:19:09,600 --> 00:19:14,720You can always transform and you don't lose the thing that you've invested in.31000:19:14,720 --> 00:19:19,320The reality is that everything you've ever invested in is already still there waiting31100:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,320for you.31200:19:20,320 --> 00:19:26,520Like it's, you know, every gift you've received from the training for them from the experience31300:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,840is still with you.31400:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,240It's not going anywhere.31500:19:30,240 --> 00:19:34,480You may say goodbye to this opportunity, but you are not saying goodbye to all the gifts31600:19:34,480 --> 00:19:35,480you've already received.31700:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,120They are with you forever.31800:19:38,120 --> 00:19:44,160And so when you feel like what you're doing is so wrapped up in your identity, it is the31900:19:44,160 --> 00:19:49,040sign that it's time to let go so that you can free yourself to discover who you are32000:19:49,040 --> 00:19:57,040beyond that finite identity, beyond that small, small kind of rendering of your life experience.32100:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,640There are so much more to you before you came to that identity.32200:20:00,640 --> 00:20:06,260Why do you want to settle for that identity as the identity that defines you?32300:20:06,260 --> 00:20:11,740And so don't let the work you do be wrapped up in your identity.32400:20:11,740 --> 00:20:16,880But if it turns out that it is, you feel like if I let go of this, I'll never know who I32500:20:16,880 --> 00:20:17,880am.32600:20:17,880 --> 00:20:23,800It is definitely time to let go because that thing is distracting you from discovering32700:20:23,800 --> 00:20:31,240your true potential, your true magnitude relative to that particular identity.32800:20:31,240 --> 00:20:37,400So definitely let go when letting go feels like losing your identity and no lie, it's32900:20:37,400 --> 00:20:45,680painful and frustrating and wow, it's hard, but really necessary, really important.33000:20:45,680 --> 00:20:51,240You will always look back and appreciate the fact that you took that leap.33100:20:51,240 --> 00:20:55,160So when do you know it's time to let go?33200:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,640When you've lost your joy?33300:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,920When whatever it is you're letting go of is no longer serving you or whatever it is that33400:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,560you should let go of is no longer serving you?33500:21:05,560 --> 00:21:09,560When all the enthusiasm around it is coming from people other than you?33600:21:09,560 --> 00:21:14,520When the cost of staying with a project surpasses the cost of leaving?33700:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,360And number five, when letting go feels like losing your identity.33800:21:18,360 --> 00:21:25,920Yeah, so those are five things to think about to help you know when it's time to let go.33900:21:25,920 --> 00:21:30,320I want to invite you to a webinar that we're doing on December 20th.34000:21:30,320 --> 00:21:36,840It's called When You Have No Research Mentor because I recognize that many people are challenged34100:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,600in that they really want to lead research, but they don't have mentors.34200:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,640They don't have access to mentors or they don't feel like they do.34300:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,720Even though I always argue that you always have mentors, it's just what you're looking34400:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,600for prevents you from seeing what you already have.34500:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,560But yeah, that's happening at noon on December 20th.34600:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,880Sign up on our website, guidecoach.com.34700:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,800It's also on the Clinician Researcher podcast.34800:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,920That's clinicianresearcherpodcast.com.34900:22:03,920 --> 00:22:04,920Share with a friend.35000:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,760There's always someone who needs a little bit more.35100:22:07,760 --> 00:22:13,040And if you can do one good deed, definitely share with a friend.35200:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,360It's been a pleasure talking with you today.35300:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,920Thank you so much for tuning in.35400:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,440I look forward to talking with you again the next time.35500:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,440Take care.35600:22:20,440 --> 00:22:32,840Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic35700:22:32,840 --> 00:22:38,040clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they35800:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,640have a mentor.35900:22:39,640 --> 00:22:45,760If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself.36000:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,480Someone else needs to hear it.36100:22:47,480 --> 00:22:51,520So take a minute right now and share it.36200:22:51,520 --> 00:22:57,000As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation36300:22:57,000 --> 00:23:18,040of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.