Knowing when to let go

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,860 Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills 2 00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:11,260 to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor. 3 00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:17,340 As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients. 4 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:22,380 When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find 5 00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:27,780 that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research 6 00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:29,200 program. 7 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:35,480 Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit. 8 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:40,580 However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs. 9 00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:46,200 For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians 10 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:51,800 the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor. 11 00:00:51,800 --> 00:01:01,040 Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene. 12 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,080 Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast. 13 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:07,500 I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is always a pleasure to be talking with you. 14 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,320 Thank you for listening. 15 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,640 I'm excited to talk about today's episode. 16 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,520 Actually, as I was saying that, I was like, when am I not excited? 17 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,560 Oh my goodness, it's so exciting to talk to you. 18 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,360 So thank you for this opportunity. 19 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:21,360 All right. 20 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:27,440 So today I'm talking about when to let go, knowing when to let go. 21 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,840 And this particular episode is triggered by a receipt I saw earlier today, and it was 22 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,680 a receipt for $12, I think, and 68 cents. 23 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:35,680 $12.68. 24 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:41,200 And it really triggered a memory because, so just to give you background, we were at 25 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:47,120 the airport on our way back from Thanksgiving travel, and we got on the plane, everything 26 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:56,160 was on schedule, we pull out from the jet bridge, and then literally two minutes later, 27 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,600 the pilot is bringing the plane back in. 28 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,920 He's like, well, you know, we just need to check something out, which, you know, not 29 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,840 a good sign when the fire truck shows up outside the plane. 30 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,080 So you know, not a great thing happening. 31 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:15,200 We all did plane, because seriously, I think what happened was that the plane was leaking 32 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,920 fuel in some way. 33 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,400 Anyway, it was big enough that the fire truck shows up, right? 34 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,880 So we all de-planned, and we were so fortunate because what happened, and I don't know how 35 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,520 they worked it out in the background, behind the scenes, but we were able to board the 36 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:30,520 next flight. 37 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,360 So they were going to wait for a new flight to come in, and then we would get that plane. 38 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:38,880 So clearly, it was some strategy for the other people who would otherwise have boarded that 39 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,880 plane. 40 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:46,520 So we're in the place between where we, you know, our last flight, we've all de-planned, 41 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,240 and now we're waiting to get on the next flight. 42 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:52,760 And fortunately for us, there's not going to be too much of a time interval between 43 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,780 our last flight and our new flight. 44 00:02:54,780 --> 00:03:03,080 So we go, I go with my daughter to go get Starbucks coffee, and she's getting decaf, 45 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,800 and she wants, I forget what drink she was getting. 46 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:10,640 So anyway, we pay, and at the time we go to pay, they say, hey, there's a 20-minute wait 47 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:14,160 time, and I'm like, oh, we have all the time in the world. 48 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,880 Anyway, we think we have all the time in the world. 49 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:23,780 But so it begins to become obvious as time goes on that, wow, it's going to take longer 50 00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:28,240 than 20 minutes, and there are a lot of people waiting. 51 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:33,020 So we wait until my husband calls and says, hey, we're about to board. 52 00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:34,460 Where are you? 53 00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:39,240 And so we run back, and I deposit my daughter. 54 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:43,000 They are going to board ahead of me, and she's upset. 55 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,460 She's disappointed because she really, really, really, really wanted this drink, and I really 56 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,680 want to get it for her. 57 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:54,320 So I deposit her at the gate, and I run back. 58 00:03:54,320 --> 00:04:01,660 I run back to go see if I can get the coffee, because I know that very soon our number will 59 00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:04,160 be called, and I'll be able to get the coffee. 60 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,160 She'll be happy. 61 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,160 It'll be great. 62 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:11,600 And I set my timer, because I said, OK, I'm giving this five minutes, because I mean, 63 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,080 our plane is boarding, right? 64 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,440 I'm giving this five more minutes, and if after five minutes they don't call our names, 65 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,160 then I'll know that, you know, I'll know it's not going to happen. 66 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,060 So five minutes later, they actually really don't call our names, so the coffee is still 67 00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:31,600 not ready, or the drinks are still not ready, and I decide it's time to let go of this $12.68 68 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,200 investment and go back. 69 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,400 And I think it was two drinks. 70 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,400 I forget. 71 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,080 The details elude me. 72 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:43,560 But I decide that, OK, I'm going to just abandon the $12.68, and I'm going to go catch the 73 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:44,560 plane. 74 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,920 And just as well, I was the last person to board the plane, and I didn't actually tell 75 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,920 them that I ran back to go look for the coffee. 76 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,720 It just, you know, it was one of those things where it was like, yeah, I was just a little 77 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,360 bit delayed getting on the plane. 78 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,760 But anyway, I made the plane, fortunately. 79 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,760 I mean, I was going to, but I also might not have. 80 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:07,760 What if I tripped and fell on my way rushing back with the coffee and maybe didn't get 81 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:08,760 on the plane? 82 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,760 That would have been silly. 83 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:14,320 But anyway, so I tell that whole story because, you know, I think there is a term called sunk 84 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,280 cost fallacy. 85 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,520 And I think this might be a good example. 86 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,920 This might be a good example of it. 87 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:29,160 So while we were reaching for $12.68 worth of coffee, there was a plane that was waiting 88 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,160 to take us home. 89 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,080 And so this is Thanksgiving day travel, well, post Thanksgiving travel. 90 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:38,840 So you know, it gets busy during post Thanksgiving travel. 91 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:45,080 And if I had missed that plane, it would have cost at least maybe $150 for half of a flight. 92 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:51,000 And but probably more than $150 because now I need to get on another flight and no guarantees 93 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,920 that I would be able to make the flight and head all the way back. 94 00:05:55,920 --> 00:06:02,080 So for that reason, I just want to share, I want to share a couple of thoughts about 95 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,080 knowing when to let go. 96 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,080 Right. 97 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,360 So it was an experience that is not related to medicine where it became obvious that as 98 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,840 much as I really, really, really, really, really wanted to get the coffee and make my daughter 99 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:17,880 happy, I really understood also that I had made an investment and I really want to see 100 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:22,720 on the plane and that that investment was a bigger investment than the coffee investment. 101 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:26,480 So when do you know that it's time to let go? 102 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,160 And you know, this could refer to a project. 103 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:38,000 It could refer to anything really with relation to work or your career or mentoring relationships. 104 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,120 When do you know it's time to let go? 105 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:46,720 So I'm going to talk about five things that are sparked by the story that I shared with 106 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:47,720 you. 107 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,380 I think the first thing is when you've lost your joy. 108 00:06:51,380 --> 00:06:55,920 So there are many things in medicine that frustrate you and make you angry and make 109 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,120 you want to throw in the towel and quit. 110 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:03,040 But there is a time, there comes a time when you really lost your joy. 111 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,520 Like you just are like, this is not where I want to be. 112 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,200 These are not the people I want to be working with. 113 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,940 This is not where I want to be seen. 114 00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:13,560 This is not the thing that fills my cup when you've just really lost joy. 115 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,800 And I think it's important if you are in a situation, you feel like you've lost joy 116 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:23,760 to really do get help, you know, talk with, well, ideally a mentor, but maybe if that's 117 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,960 not a safe space, think about mentors outside your institution. 118 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:32,800 Definitely think about working with a coach, but definitely seek help to really understand 119 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,720 why you've lost your joy. 120 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,440 Have you lost your joy because, you know, it's no longer the space for you? 121 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,360 Was it never really the space for you? 122 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:45,840 I mean, there are many reasons that it is important to recognize that, wow, life is 123 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,240 finite and short, you know? 124 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:53,320 I mean, a hundred years looks like a long time, except that it's not, right? 125 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,120 And for many of us, we're closer to a hundred than when we first started. 126 00:07:56,120 --> 00:08:04,120 So there's so much at stake to spend any time, any precious time doing the things that don't 127 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,560 give us joy. 128 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,040 And the challenge of the things that don't give us joy is many times the joylessness 129 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,520 associated with the thing didn't just start. 130 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,160 It's actually kind of been brewing for a while, but there were other reasons that kind of 131 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:22,340 kept you from experiencing the fullness of the joylessness associated with this thing. 132 00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:25,600 But finally it catches up with you and you're like, you know what, I never even really got 133 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,140 joy from this thing. 134 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,240 And now it's even become harder, right? 135 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,560 Sometimes you can keep doing something until it really becomes hard to do. 136 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:37,920 And then you're like, well, wait a minute, why am I making this investment anyway? 137 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:43,080 But whatever the reason, when you've lost your joy, it's important to acknowledge that 138 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,000 you've lost your joy. 139 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:50,660 Do the work to figure out what it is that made you lose your joy or that there was really 140 00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:53,680 no joy all along and you were just doing it out of obligation. 141 00:08:53,680 --> 00:09:02,400 But when you've lost your joy, it's time to let go because living joyfully is so important. 142 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:09,520 It's so important, like in medicine for clinicians, for researchers, what we do is hard. 143 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:16,640 It's challenging, it's difficult, and it's not always, you know, it's not always thanked, 144 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,640 right? 145 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,940 It's a thankless job. 146 00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:22,760 You get a grant and people may celebrate with you for two minutes and they're like, what, 147 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,180 you only have one grant, right? 148 00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:29,200 So there's always this need to consistently strive so that at the end of the day, the 149 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:35,160 motivation is solely and purely yours because the external rewards are transient fleeting 150 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:39,440 motivations. 151 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:48,000 So the external rewards are transient fleeting motivations, but the internal source of feeling 152 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,400 like you've really contributed, that's all yours. 153 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,480 But if you don't even have that, it makes it so hard. 154 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:55,480 It makes it so hard. 155 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,520 You can't really get through. 156 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:02,960 And for that reason, it may be time to let go when you've lost your joy. 157 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:08,800 The second time that you might consider letting go is when it's no longer serving you. 158 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:14,200 So you may have started and it served you and this was the right thing to do and maybe 159 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:18,920 you were joyous about it, but then it comes to a time in your career where it's no longer 160 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,240 the project for you and that's okay. 161 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,840 What is this idea that we're doing the same thing all of our lives? 162 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,760 I mean, it's not true for anything we've ever done, right? 163 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,480 You get to a place in your life where you're like, okay, I've done this experience. 164 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:36,400 I feel like I've grown and gotten the most out of it. 165 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,920 It's time to move on to the next growth challenge. 166 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,240 It's time to move on to the next opportunity. 167 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,880 And so sometimes you get to a place where you're like, okay, well, thank you for serving 168 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:50,840 me and it's no longer serving me and that's okay. 169 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,360 And sometimes people get upset or frustrated at you because you're like, wait a minute, 170 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,440 you committed to this thing 10 years ago and you know what? 171 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,880 You can uncommit. 172 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:01,880 You can uncommit. 173 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,680 You want to be upfront about it. 174 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:09,280 You don't want people to have false expectations of your ability to continue to be involved, 175 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:13,240 but you can get to a point in time where you're like, I no longer wish to do this. 176 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,480 I uncommit and that is okay. 177 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:21,480 But if it's no longer serving you, it's no longer serving you and to continue in it to 178 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:26,240 some extent to deprive somebody else of the opportunity because it is an opportunity for 179 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,400 some someone else. 180 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,400 You've been doing it for a while. 181 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,240 Now it feels like old school. 182 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,240 It feels like old hat. 183 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,640 You're just not even sure you want to make any investment in it. 184 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,680 It's like, ah, it's not exciting for someone else. 185 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:38,680 Oh my goodness. 186 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:39,680 What an opportunity. 187 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:44,360 I've absolutely wanted to do this for the longest time because you're sitting on it. 188 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,440 They're not able to do it. 189 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:50,840 And so sometimes it's a gift you give to people when you say, hey, thank you so much for this 190 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,320 opportunity which has served me for the last five years. 191 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:57,480 And now I would like to move on to the next opportunity and thank you very much. 192 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,960 And it's okay to say that it's okay to recognize when something's no longer serving you and 193 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,000 to move forward with it. 194 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,000 Okay. 195 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:11,800 The next thing, the next thing is when all the enthusiasm, this is number three, and 196 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,560 all the enthusiasm around it comes from external sources. 197 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,520 So this is quite common. 198 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:22,200 It's quite common, a wonderful mentor, very well-meaning, wanting you to get the most 199 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,880 out of your experiences. 200 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,560 Oh, you should do this project because it's going to be so good for your career. 201 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:31,480 And we're like, oh, yeah, of course. 202 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,860 And everybody's like, oh my gosh, it's going to be so good for you. 203 00:12:34,860 --> 00:12:38,440 And the only enthusiasm about the project comes from everybody else saying how good 204 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,440 it is for you. 205 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:44,280 And you somehow have not been able to connect how good the project really is for you. 206 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,160 And you may take on the project or you may take on the thing because you're like, well, 207 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,400 it's my mentor and I really don't want them to be upset. 208 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,640 You know, all these reasons, right? 209 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:58,400 All the obligations that we feel that we have in taking on things that we actually don't 210 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,400 want to do. 211 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:05,560 There's so much of this in academia, so much of this in medicine. 212 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:11,800 And you know, it makes it hard because you have no enthusiasm, but you fake it so that 213 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:17,200 you can make other people happy and then you down the road are frustrated. 214 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,560 And it's something that you wish you weren't doing. 215 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:25,360 And now it feels hard to uncommit because somebody, you know, because of your feigned 216 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:31,600 enthusiasm for the project, somebody's committed it to you and now you feel obligated. 217 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,080 And again, it is okay to uncommit. 218 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,520 It's okay to say, hey, this is a project that I initially thought was going to be one way 219 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,160 and now it's turned out a different way. 220 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:44,440 And I'm not sure it's a project I want to do anymore. 221 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,600 And you know, people might ask you justify it. 222 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,600 Why? 223 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,800 You don't have to justify it. 224 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,960 It's just no longer a project you want to do. 225 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,880 And it's helpful to find someone you can pass it on to. 226 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:59,560 There's always someone you can pass it on to so you don't leave people holding back. 227 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:06,560 But it's important that if the enthusiasm around it is really from everybody else except 228 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,480 you, then it's okay to say, hey, it's time to let go. 229 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,640 Because it's not, I mean, the moment you recognize it, right? 230 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,840 The enthusiasm was coming from other people all along. 231 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:21,360 When you finally recognize it, when your enthusiasm to make them happy dies down, it's okay to 232 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:27,040 say, okay, thank you and no thank you. 233 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:32,480 The next thing is when the cost of staying with a project surpasses the cost of leaving. 234 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:39,160 And this is the thing that's highlighted by my story where, hey, $12.68, I want that drink. 235 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,020 I mean, it shouldn't, you know, it's airport coffee, right? 236 00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:44,080 So it always costs more than it's supposed to. 237 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,160 So there's this sense of like, I paid for it. 238 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,280 Of course I want to get it. 239 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,520 I will wait until the plane door closes. 240 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:56,920 But then, you know, as wisdom sets in, it's like, do I really want to miss that plane 241 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:01,600 to go to a coffee that I can buy anywhere at any time? 242 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,080 And that's an important consideration. 243 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:09,840 And the thing you're letting go of allows you to reach for the thing that's bigger, right? 244 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,960 Staying with what, you know, staying with the $12.68 coffee, I could have gotten the 245 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,640 drink and I could have enjoyed it. 246 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,560 Or, you know, my daughter, well, actually she wouldn't have enjoyed it because she was 247 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,920 already, she would already be on her way without me. 248 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,400 But even let's say I was drinking it, you know, say I'm going to enjoy it because I 249 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:31,000 spent this money and I enjoy it. 250 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,200 And then, you know, there'll always be another coffee. 251 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,800 There'll always be another coffee house. 252 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,520 You know, Starbucks is everywhere. 253 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,240 It's ubiquitous. 254 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:45,400 But getting on a plane, a direct flight on an early Thanksgiving, post Thanksgiving morning? 255 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,360 Hmm. 256 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,240 There is not going to be another flight like that, likely. 257 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,800 I'd likely would have to fly standby. 258 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,200 I'm not sure that I would get a flight out that day or that I wouldn't have to pay extra 259 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,240 to get a flight out. 260 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,960 And it probably would be a flight that would be in high demand. 261 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,400 So extra expensive. 262 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:06,720 This is sometimes the cost of staying with a project actually is costlier than the cost 263 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,240 of leaving it. 264 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,960 But what's challenging for us sometimes is that we are so eager to please that we miss 265 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,760 this cost. 266 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:20,640 We miss the cost, the opportunity cost of staying with something that's not working 267 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:27,000 for the benefit, potential benefit of leaving for something that's greater and really likely 268 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,160 to advance us in a way that's much, much bigger. 269 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:41,200 And then we miss an opportunity. 270 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:48,400 We miss an opportunity that's rare, that's bigger, that's less common, less ubiquitous. 271 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,120 And it's important to recognize that there are some opportunities that will always come 272 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,120 again. 273 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,480 They will always come again. 274 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,400 But some opportunities that don't always come again. 275 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,960 And this comes around when people have a once in a, I mean, actually there's no such thing 276 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,120 as a once in a lifetime opportunity. 277 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:11,280 But there definitely are unique opportunities that come your way that make sense to go with. 278 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,760 It makes sense to leave the things you know that you can always come back to if you choose 279 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:22,520 to go for the things that are unique and different and may help you grow in a different way. 280 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:27,160 And so you want to let go when the cost of staying with whatever it is you're struggling 281 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:31,000 to stay with surpasses the cost of leaving. 282 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,400 But in order to even recognize that, you've got to be very clear about what's bigger, what's 283 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,880 better, what's most important. 284 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,840 I was very clear that I needed to be on that plane with my family. 285 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:45,320 I was very clear that I wanted to get back from my Thanksgiving trip in a reasonable 286 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,320 timeframe. 287 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:51,960 I was really clear that as much as I wanted the coffee, I wanted something that was bigger 288 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:52,960 than the coffee. 289 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:58,920 And so it's important to clarify that and working with a coach can help you do that. 290 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:04,320 Number five is when letting go feels like losing your identity, it definitely probably 291 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,680 is time to let go. 292 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:11,600 One of the things that we do as human beings and this is fine, it just is, is that many 293 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:16,240 times what we do gets wrapped up in our identity and there's this sense that we are, we are 294 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,240 that thing. 295 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,520 I am a physician. 296 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,280 I am a clinician. 297 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:25,320 I am whatever it is, but whatever your I am statement is. 298 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:33,240 And whenever we define ourselves by what we do, it's really, it's not even really honest. 299 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:42,480 I'm a physician, yes, and I'm a daughter and I'm a friend and there's so many ands to us. 300 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,440 And so defining ourselves by one thing or getting so wrapped up in one identity that 301 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:51,160 letting go of something associated with that identity feels like losing your identity. 302 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,040 It's a sign of problems. 303 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,480 It's a sign that you should get help. 304 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:03,160 And so if I do that, if I let go of this project, then nobody will know me as XYZ. 305 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,980 The reality is that you can always be reborn. 306 00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:07,520 You can always do something new. 307 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,600 You can always pivot. 308 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,600 You can always change. 309 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:14,720 You can always transform and you don't lose the thing that you've invested in. 310 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:19,320 The reality is that everything you've ever invested in is already still there waiting 311 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,320 for you. 312 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:26,520 Like it's, you know, every gift you've received from the training for them from the experience 313 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,840 is still with you. 314 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,240 It's not going anywhere. 315 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:34,480 You may say goodbye to this opportunity, but you are not saying goodbye to all the gifts 316 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:35,480 you've already received. 317 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,120 They are with you forever. 318 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:44,160 And so when you feel like what you're doing is so wrapped up in your identity, it is the 319 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:49,040 sign that it's time to let go so that you can free yourself to discover who you are 320 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:57,040 beyond that finite identity, beyond that small, small kind of rendering of your life experience. 321 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,640 There are so much more to you before you came to that identity. 322 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:06,260 Why do you want to settle for that identity as the identity that defines you? 323 00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:11,740 And so don't let the work you do be wrapped up in your identity. 324 00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:16,880 But if it turns out that it is, you feel like if I let go of this, I'll never know who I 325 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:17,880 am. 326 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:23,800 It is definitely time to let go because that thing is distracting you from discovering 327 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:31,240 your true potential, your true magnitude relative to that particular identity. 328 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:37,400 So definitely let go when letting go feels like losing your identity and no lie, it's 329 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:45,680 painful and frustrating and wow, it's hard, but really necessary, really important. 330 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:51,240 You will always look back and appreciate the fact that you took that leap. 331 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:55,160 So when do you know it's time to let go? 332 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,640 When you've lost your joy? 333 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,920 When whatever it is you're letting go of is no longer serving you or whatever it is that 334 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,560 you should let go of is no longer serving you? 335 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:09,560 When all the enthusiasm around it is coming from people other than you? 336 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:14,520 When the cost of staying with a project surpasses the cost of leaving? 337 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,360 And number five, when letting go feels like losing your identity. 338 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:25,920 Yeah, so those are five things to think about to help you know when it's time to let go. 339 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:30,320 I want to invite you to a webinar that we're doing on December 20th. 340 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:36,840 It's called When You Have No Research Mentor because I recognize that many people are challenged 341 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,600 in that they really want to lead research, but they don't have mentors. 342 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,640 They don't have access to mentors or they don't feel like they do. 343 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,720 Even though I always argue that you always have mentors, it's just what you're looking 344 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,600 for prevents you from seeing what you already have. 345 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,560 But yeah, that's happening at noon on December 20th. 346 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,880 Sign up on our website, guidecoach.com. 347 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,800 It's also on the Clinician Researcher podcast. 348 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,920 That's clinicianresearcherpodcast.com. 349 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:04,920 Share with a friend. 350 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,760 There's always someone who needs a little bit more. 351 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:13,040 And if you can do one good deed, definitely share with a friend. 352 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,360 It's been a pleasure talking with you today. 353 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,920 Thank you so much for tuning in. 354 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,440 I look forward to talking with you again the next time. 355 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,440 Take care. 356 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:32,840 Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic 357 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:38,040 clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they 358 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,640 have a mentor. 359 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:45,760 If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself. 360 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,480 Someone else needs to hear it. 361 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:51,520 So take a minute right now and share it. 362 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:57,000 As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation 363 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:18,040 of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.