What to do if you hate your job

0:00 Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor. As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients. When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research program. Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit. However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.

0:40 For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor. Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene. Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast. I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is such a pleasure to be talking with you today. I'm especially excited to be talking with you about today's topic. What to do if you don't like your job? Maybe raise your hands if there are parts of your job that you hate.

1:21 Yep. Raise your hand if you just hate all of it. Yep, that was me. That was me when I first started. I hated my job. I was so miserable. And I remember, you know how you put on a brave face for everybody, and you're like, oh yeah, it's going great. And they're like, oh, how's work? Because you know, your family never really knows what you do. They're like, yeah, I know my kid is a physician, but I don't really know what she does. I don't know. My daughter is a physician. I'm not sure what she does exactly. I guess she takes care of people. They have no idea all the facets of your job. So when they ask you how are things going, the only thing you really say is, of course, it's going great. Well, at least for me. And it's not because I was telling a lie.

2:02 It was just because, you know, you know what? It's too hard to go into why, what doesn't work, you know. But the people who know you know you. And they can tell. They can tell when you're miserable in your job. So that was my experience. I had a so I went to an event and one of my really great friends was there. And I remember she had an opportunity. So it's one of those things where, you know, you're you turn around and you say something or you encourage the person beside you. One of the ways she encouraged me, she was like, I know you hate your job. And I was like, is it so obvious? Is it so obvious? But in reality, I was miserable. And the people who care about you, they can tell when you are not happy.

2:42 And I remember thinking as she was just encouraging me, I was like, is it so obvious? That I hate what I'm doing because she was actually wishing me a new job. And what's interesting is that I didn't get that new job. I actually actually to some extent, I did. I mean, I'm still in the same job, but I love my job today. And I love my job not because I changed it, but because I changed. And with me changing, I changed my job circumstance. And so that's some of what I want to talk to you about today is that just because it is horrible doesn't mean it has to stay horrible. And I just want to invite you to think about what to do if you don't like your job.

3:22 Whatever part of it you don't like. Maybe you're like me down now. You're like, oh, I love the whole job. I love my job. I really do. I enjoy it very much today. But maybe like most people, you hate it. You're like, no, I hate this job. Or maybe you hate it 40% of the time or maybe just 10% of the time. I think most people will fall into the category of, I hate what I'm doing. So the first thing I want to tell you is to relax. Just relax. There are so many people like you. This is a common problem. There is no problem of hating your job that nobody has had before you. This is good. You are in great company.

4:03 And some of you may be thinking, wait a minute, why is this a good problem? So everybody has problems. I should be happy about that. No, I'm just saying relax. Like, you know how it is when you have a problem and then you look around and nobody else has the same problem and you're like, wow, it's just me. I have problems. So that's what I'm saying. I'm saying that this is not a you problem. This is a many people problem. And so you are normal. You are absolutely normal. So I want you to pause and say to yourself, I am normal. Oh, oh, I didn't hear you say it. Say it again. I am normal. Thank you. Great. I am normal. There's so many people who don't like what they do. And I want you to relax because you're in good company.

4:47 And that's number one, relax. Don't let it stress you out. Don't be anxious about it. Don't hate yourself and don't be ashamed. Please, I want to actually pause on this and say, don't be ashamed, because that's the problem. When we think that we have a problem that nobody else has, sometimes there's shame that comes with that. And to some extent, there's fear as well. It's like, oh, what's wrong with me? Why aren't I better? How come I can't get it together? And I want to tell you that the shame is a lie. If so many people have the same problem, then it's not something to be ashamed about. It's something for us to come together and encourage one another and then to come together also and have compassion on each other.

5:30 And so don't be ashamed. Don't feel like you've done something wrong. Don't feel like you made the wrong choice. Don't feel like, oh, I didn't negotiate if I was a better negotiator. It's not you. It's OK. It's the way it is. And so that's the first thing I want you to know is just to relax. Don't be stressed about it. Don't get anxious about it. First of all, just chill. One of the reasons you need to chill is that not much good comes out of being anxious and stressed. Like you're tense. You're like blaming yourself. Not much will come out of that. And so you might as well just let it go. So number one is to relax. Number two is to celebrate. You got to celebrate because the mere fact that you recognize that you hate your job means that change can come.

6:16 It's that you are poised to make a change happen. Here's the thing. When you hate your job, but you've never said it out loud, you've never said, I hate this thing, you're living in denial. And as long as you have not acknowledged the thing that's true, as long as the elephant in the room is just hanging out with nobody saying, hey, there's an elephant. Does it belong here? The elephant can keep going. The problem can keep going forever and ever as long as everybody's just playing it cool and saying, OK, this is not real. Everybody, this is a lie. It's not real. But the moment you stop and say, this is a problem, oh my goodness.

6:57 And you know you're a physician. This is real. And if they're just trying to quit smoking or they're trying to quit substance use disorder, the first step in getting free is saying, I have a problem. And so the moment you acknowledge that you hate what you do, to whatever extent you hate it, that is already something to celebrate because you have owned the problem. And because you've owned the problem, you now have power to make a decision about how that problem comes to an end. And so it is so amazing to be where you are right now in the place of realization, in the place of recognition.

7:42 And so I want to invite you to celebrate. I don't know what you do. Sometimes I'll dance a jig or I'll jump up and I celebrate by dancing. I'm celebrating for you right now. And please don't look at me like I'm crazy or listen and think, is she OK? I'm telling her I hate my job. And she's like, go celebrate. But I really am. Because we are at the point, we're on the cusp of major breakthrough because you've acknowledged that you hate this thing. So what are we going to do about it? All right. That's number three. Number three is choose. So what do you want to do about it? You've come to this place where you now finally accept, you realized it for a long time, but you finally accepted. You finally verbalized your hatred for this thing, whether it's your whole job or just pieces of it.

8:29 You finally, you finally figured it out. So what do you want to do about it? And this is a really important point. And I just want to pause because this is the point at which people go back. They take a step back and say, you know what? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just going to go back and pretend. I'm going to go back and pretend this doesn't exist, that I don't hate this job. I'm just going to keep going. And that's choice. That's a choice. And that may be the choice you make, the choice of going back to the place of denial. I hope you will make a different choice, but the choice is yours. But the first thing is that you're going to choose. You're either going to choose to sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist, or you're going to choose to do something about it.

9:15 But the choice is yours. Maybe we'll make that choice for you. Some people are like, well, my mentor will help me. Maybe and maybe not. But we're not going to let it depend on somebody else. What do you want to do about it? Some of you are like, okay, well, it'll just work itself out. And you know what? Maybe it will, but maybe it won't. Many things don't work themselves out. Many things actually get worse. And until you choose that it's going to be different, it cannot be different. Until you choose to do something differently, you will always get the same result. And so what do you want to choose? How do you want to move forward now that you've come to the realization that there is something in your job that you don't like?

10:02 What do you want to do about it? And I think it's so important for you to honor your role as the decision maker. And one challenge that comes to us, especially as a gift from our training, is that we can outsource decision making. We can outsource decision making to the attending. We can outsource decision making to the mentor. We can outsource decision making to many people. Oh, the medical director says we should do X. Therefore, that's what we do. In medicine, there's so many opportunities for outsourcing. And you can outsource the decision to someone else. You can't guarantee what decision they'll make. And most likely, they're just going to keep doing what's already happening.

10:46 And so you're maintaining the status quo by outsourcing the decision. But the decision is yours. And I want you to choose to do something differently. I want you to choose to do something differently. I'm going to pause here and remind you that we have a webinar today at 6 p.m., about five steps to transition from clinician to research leader. And because it's happening today and this episode is happening today, you may miss it if you catch the episode late. I just want to invite you to still come and check out our next webinar, because I will be doing more than one webinar. And so if you've missed the webinar on November 20th, you should definitely check out the next webinar.

11:29 And you can find that out by looking at our website, clinicianresearcherpodcast.com, or checking out the COAG Coach website. That's COAG, C-O-A-G, C-O-A-C-H dot com. And then if you go to our events tab, you'll see what the next webinar is. Anyway, so I just want to invite you to choose something different. And if you're not sure what to choose, go where people are talking about making different choices and see if any of those choices are choices you want to make. But definitely don't choose to go back to a life of denial. Don't choose to going back to continuing the work you hate. And don't choose to just, you know, give it all up and say, you know what, medicine was never for me in the first place. And that brings me to number four.

12:11 Number four is to ask questions. Now, if you are in the place where you 100% hate your job, it took you a while to get there. You did not first start out by hating, right? You actually kind of started out in love with your job because it's the only reason you chose it. Ooh, or maybe you chose it out of obligation, I'm not sure. But what do you actually not like about the job? Is it absolutely everything? And sometimes the pain of how we feel about our jobs is such that it just overwhelms everything. We're like, well, you know, I just hate everything. And you know, it just it is what it is. In reality, there's sometimes one thing that's driving the hatred. And so honestly, it does behoove you.

12:52 Oh, gosh, I use that word. But it does behoove you to stop and say, what is it that I hate? What's this thing? When you have a splinter in your finger and it hurts so much, it's important to acknowledge the splinter and to take it out because it's the splinter that's the problem. Yeah, everything you touch hurts because of the splinter that's making your hand throb. And so you can be like, I hate that. It hurts me. I hate that. It hurts me. But in reality, it's the splinter. And if you could just address this one splinter, everything goes back to where it needs to go. What are you going to address the splinter? And so that's a question I'm asking.

13:32 What do you hate? And don't tell me I hate everything, because I doubt that's true. For most people, it's not true. There is a one thing that if you could just fix, there is a one thing that if you could just fix, everything would be better. And so what is it about the job that you don't like? What is it about the job that you don't like? I remember a story and this happened to me, true story yesterday. I was on the plane and somebody leaned back in their seat while I was typing on my computer. I'm working on a manuscript, trying to get it out the door. And this person just leans back. So the first thing that happens is my computer kind of goes flying forward. And then I'm literally sitting with my computer like under my chin, you know, because their seat has leaned so far back.

14:15 OK, so maybe if I was in first class, it wouldn't be a problem or in business class, but I wasn't. And so all the space counts. And so I literally turn around to this person and I'm like, excuse me, I'm not able to work because you've leaned back. And the person beside me, really, really such a wonderful, kind person, he turned around to me. He was like, you know what, your table can come forward and your seat can lean back too. And that was so important because I was so focused on this is the problem and this woman who caused the problem is the one who's going to fix it for me. And as long as it depended on her, I was going to be stuck trying to convince her to turn around and make it work for me. But the moment I recognized my own power to change the way my computer was and to lean back in my own seat to wow, what a world of difference it made.

15:04 And so the things that we don't like, sometimes we feel paralyzed to move forward in changing them because if only my division chief would make the change, if only my mentor would change. And in reality, they can do whatever they want. What do you want to do? And so the first step to deciding that is asking, what is it about the job that you don't like? What is a thing that you want to change? Okay. The next thing is to travel back in time. Go back to the place of your first love for this job. You did not start by hating this job. There was something about it that made you say yes.

15:44 You said yes because there was something about this job that you loved. What was it? You got to go back to that place. What was it? What was the love at first sight? What was the thing you're like, you know what, this is what I want. I'll take all the other stuff because of what I want. And that's so important because as physicians, we're so used to living in the place of obligation that we'll just take everything. We're like, yeah, I have to do it. I guess I'll do it. But yeah, this is where it takes you. It takes you to the place of burnout. 60%, greater than 60% of physicians are burned out in their job. That was a statistic, I believe, from 2020. It's a big deal. So many people are just going through the motions.

16:24 They're just doing whatever is necessary. And I'm telling you that doing whatever is necessary is not what gets you to loving your job. It's like, what do you want to do? Because the thing you want to do, people need that. You want to do it. People need you to do it. So this is not like if I leave all the stuff I'm obligated to do, nobody will do it. Oh, I will tell you. People will jump and doing all the things you leave behind because for some other people, the thing that hurts you is the thing that makes them thrive. So stop feeling guilty that, oh my gosh, who's going to do the work? There are people waiting for you to get off so that they can come on and shine. And so you are there, like, hating what you're doing, living with drudgery, and people are just waiting for you to move out of the way so they can do it with joy.

17:09 And so yes, please give yourself permission to go back to the place of your first love because that's the thing that you want to hold on to. And it may be, it may be that you say, I'm quitting this job. That's okay. But you want to know the thing that you love because whether you stay in the job or you move somewhere else, you're going to want to expand the thing you love. You're going to need to do that no matter where you are. What is it that you liked about the job in the first place? Remember that. Hold on to that. The next thing you want to do, number six, is investigate. What can you do about it? Okay, we've come to the point of realization, we've decided we're going to choose to make a difference.

17:50 We're not waiting for our mentor to tell us what to do. What can you do? Okay, I hate seeing patients with this particular diagnosis. Maybe your thing is fibromyalgia. You're like, I hate fibromyalgia. And again, please, if you're listening and you have fibromyalgia, this is not, I'm just using an example. Okay, this is not about you. It's not about fibromyalgia. It's just about an example. Today you're like, I don't want to see anybody in clinic anymore who has fibromyalgia. Well, what can you do about it? Who can you talk to? Who's in charge of your schedule? Spoiler alert, you are. But who's putting these patients on your schedule? And what conversations can you have?

18:33 What will people do with requests? So find out. This is an investigation time. Sometimes we just don't know. Like, oh, they'll never let me do it. But who did you ask? Did you make that assumption? Wow. The number of assumptions that we live with, the number of decisions we make that are based on faulty information is incredible. You don't know if you don't ask. So if you've never asked, you actually don't know. So this is not like, oh, my division chief will never let me stop seeing fibromyalgia. Like, when did you ask that question? And if you haven't asked, it's an invitation to ask. And you're asking not necessarily because you're ready to make the ask or you're not necessarily ready to say, this is what I want.

19:16 You're asking first for information. And I just want to remind you, as a clinician who sees patients, if you're going to help anybody, you first of all always start by asking. Like, has there ever been a time someone shows up and you're like, oh, OK, it must be hypertension. I won't take your blood pressure. You start by asking. The only way you can help is by asking questions. And so I'm going to invite you to ask questions. What do you need to know to decide? And some people are quitting jobs without finding out whether they can remake their jobs. And that was what happened for me. I stayed in the same place. I remade my job. Actually, I've remade it many times over.

19:56 I'm continuing to remake it. And guess what? I'm going to remake it again because you can do that. But you find out, like, what is possible here? You ask people. You go check. You go check it out and find out the information you need so that you can come to an informed decision. And number seven is to negotiate. So sometimes people just say, I quit. And they go elsewhere. And it's OK. You can quit. Quit any time you want. But don't quit because things are hard. Quit because you're strategically quitting. It's like this is a strategic decision to quit. Not I just quit because it's too hard. Don't do that. Negotiate. Even if you're quitting, even if you're leaving the place where you are, negotiate while you're still there.

20:38 It may be like, oh, I've given my two weeks notice. Well, negotiate so that you can enjoy your last two weeks. And even if you're like, well, in another year, I'll be leaving, well, negotiate so you can enjoy your last year. Whatever you do, it is time to negotiate. What does it mean? What do I mean by negotiate? What I mean is now that you've clarified what you want and investigated what you can do about it, well, go see what can be done. Just go see. Go ask questions. Go say, hey, I heard that I don't have to see fibromyalgia. I heard that I can choose what I see in my clinic. How can I work with a scheduler so that fibromyalgia is no longer added to my panel? And you know what?

21:19 Until you do that, you won't find out that someone has been doing a study and they're trying to gather all the patients with fibromyalgia. And they are so happy to take them off of you. Imagine that. You've been holding them back from their success because you've been so afraid to ask or to negotiate. And so I invite you to negotiate. And if you don't know how, don't tell me you don't know how because you do. I see you. I know you negotiate for your patients pretty consistently. But if you're afraid to, you don't feel like you know how, you should reach out to a friend. You should reach out to me. And I can give you some pointers, but it's not just me. There are many people who are going to help you. But just don't stay stuck. Don't stay stuck in a job you hate. Don't stay stuck in a situation you don't want.

22:00 Don't do it. Because, because we need you. We need you to thrive. We need you to thrive because as you are, if we're your patients, if you thrive, oh, it makes her such a more enjoyable experience. If we're your colleagues, if you thrive, it makes her such an enjoyable experience. If we're your bosses and you thrive, it makes our job so much easier. So in reality, when you choose to do something about the fact that you hate your job, you're doing it not just for you, you're doing it for everybody around you. And so if it's too hard to motivate yourself on the basis of, oh, well, it's selfish, just, you know what, motivate yourself on the basis of the fact that we need you to be at your best because we hate being around you.

22:46 You're so miserable. Yeah, that's kind of strong. But can I just be honest with you? You're miserable. And we can tell. I was miserable. My friend could tell. I thought nobody could tell, but they could tell. Because when you're miserable, people can feel it. Your kids can feel it. You're yelling at them not because you hate them, but because you hate you or you hate your environment. But maybe it's your significant other and the way you're not as kind and courteous as you used to be just because you're living with this pain of the job that you're in. And so do it. You don't do it for you. Do it for the rest of us, the rest of us who need you at your healthiest, at your best.

23:26 Do it because it serves you and it serves them. Do it because it serves us. All right. It's been a pleasure talking with you today. Somebody else needs to hear this. You know, 60% of us are out there hating our jobs. And so please forward this to just one person today who's told you in the last week, I hate my job. Forward this to just one person. And for you, it's time. It's time to make a decision. It's time to act. It's time to stop living in a situation you hate and to start to ask, how can I make it exactly what I want? I want to thank you for listening to me today.

24:06 I look forward to talking with you again the next time. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher Podcast where academic clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor. If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself. Someone else needs to hear it. So take a minute right now and share it. As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.